A day in the life of Depression Darling

Depressionwheel

Get up. Go to gym. Work out. Be attractive. No cellulite please. Only beautiful, fit people are valuable members of society.

Drive to work. Get there early. Try and beat the clock. Too much to do. Not enough time.

Plough through 50 e-mails. Only 8 of them are actually for me. The rest I’m copied on. Still must read them. Just in case. File them into little folders because of the OCD.

Try and work. But distracted by new e-mails popping up every 3 minutes. Try and read them all and file them. Not possible. Try and ignore them. Not easy.

Get e-mail from manager who sits next to me asking where on the server image is saved. Delete e-mail. Unplug my ear phones. Tell him it’s on the I drive.

He nods. E-mails me back “thanks”

Get reminder about useless meeting in 10 minutes. Attend useless meeting. We discuss finances on live and complete jobs. I go through my jobs. We all nod. Manager talks about his jobs. We all nod. Team leader talks about his jobs. We nod some more. Meeting over. We dispense.

This was a show meeting to show the big bosses that we’re “on it”.

Lunch time. Run down to deli. Get a sandwich. Eat at desk. Browse through celebrity gossip sites. Remind myself that I will never be Kim Kardashian. Feel empty inside.

Go on Facebook. Oh look, so and so got engaged. Trying to be happy for her. Not happy for her. Want to kill her.

Not hungry anymore. Make tea with work friend. Complain about work. Tell her I feel anxious all the time.

Back at desk. Time to do some actual work.

Get call from Client.

“Remember that job I approved last week? Well, it’s not approved. Please make this pointless change. And send me the final files ASAP because I already told my boss it’s live”

Run down to relevant department. Beg person in charge to prioritise my job. Person in charge having bad day says no.

Run to other slightly less suitable department. Beg other person in charge. Other person in charge agrees to prioritise job, if I can get original department to say it’s ok for new department to do the work.

Run back up to original department. Person in charge still in bad mood. Doesn’t want other department to do the work. Not fair.

I start to get annoyed. Show my aggressive side. This is ridiculous. Storm into Big Boss office. Big Boss of original person in charge says ok we will do the work.

Run back down to other department. They already started the job. Fuck this.

Let them continue.

Run back up to desk. Inform Client. Client not happy. Needs files now. Andale! Andale!

Now it’s 4 o’clock. The bar has opened. Floor below full of people. Drinking. Music is turned up. Party time.

Manager who sits next to me unplugs ear phones and blasts his house music through speakers.

Brain trying to block out music.

Sit at desk. Try and go through rest of e-mails. Too many. Try and work. Too loud.

Run back down to department to check on job. Almost finished. Department is playing old school 90’s music. It’s loud. I wait for job.

Get job. Proof read job. Loads of mistakes. Mark up mistakes. Run back up to my desk to type up the mistakes as is the custom.

Print out copy of mistakes. Printer slow. Wait for printer.

Run back down with print out of mistakes. Watch mistakes get fixed. Take job upstairs for original department to sign off work.

Original department annoyed that other department finished work before them. Won’t sign off.  I can’t breathe.

Music pumping upstairs. Different music from floor below.

Run back down to other department. Tell them fuck this. Give me final files! I will deal with the backlash on Monday.

Get files. Send to Client.

Client grateful.

Collapse in my chair. Try and work. Still have 6 hours of solid work to complete before I can allow myself to leave.

Do an hour of work.

Music getting too loud now. Tell myself it’s ok to leave. Go back on Facebook. See more happy people drinking cocktails and being happy. Feel empty inside.

Make to do list for tomorrow. Covers two pages. Feel anxious.

Pack up. Eat sandwich I didn’t finish for lunch.

Shut down laptop.

Walk to car. Get in car. Feel anxious. Drive to shop. Should cook but legs too heavy and arms too tired. Brain wants pizza. Buy frozen pizza.

Go home. Run a bath. Sit in bath. Can still hear music from office. Feeling anxious. Think “is this my life now?”

Contemplate suicide. Doesn’t seem so bad. Make decision to research suicide tomorrow. Feel peaceful about this decision. Things are looking up.

Eat pizza in bed. Re-watch old Mad Men episodes. Wish I was Christina Hendricks. Google Christina Hendricks. Google boob jobs. Google cellulite exercises.

Brush teeth. Try and read. Not possible because of brain.

Feel anxious. Struggle to sleep. Worry I won’t sleep. Afraid I will be tired tomorrow. Take sleeping tablet. Hesitate. Take second sleeping tablet. Take flu tablet. I don’t have flu.

Fall into chemically induced slumber. Dream of nothing.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

depressionhospital

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15 thoughts on “A day in the life of Depression Darling

  1. i like your daily recaps. i have no idea how the hell you can remember everything you did in a day and also remember the precise order. your one or two sentence recaps add to the humor of the situation.

    Like

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